Friday, December 9, 2011

I Never Thought I'm That Special to YOU

When I asked my previous boyfriend of almost five years, Jaydee that I wanted to break up with him, I almost beg him that he would say yes.  I know he did not understand my reasons, because even me, I did not know if I really wanted to break up with him at that time.  I did not ask him to let me go not because I did not love him anymore.  Because I still do.  One reason why I ask him to do that was because I got tired.  I got tired of always waiting and I got tired of always understanding.  I guess, I didn't love him enough for me to be more patient and understanding for him.  Or maybe because I'm not the type of girl who just sit in the corner and wait.  I was selfish, I know.  He showed me how much he loves me, he gave me everything that he know that I might need, want and love.  But I was not contented with that.  I was always asking him with more.  More effort, more love.  I was always complaining.  I was blinded by my complaints about him.  I did not see how much he really loves me.  All I knew at that time was, he did not have time for me, his love was just shown in material things.

When I asked him of my freedom, it was on the first day of September, 25days before his birthday and 24 days before our monthsary and 54 days before our 5 year celebration.  I did not see it as that, what I saw was I wanted to break up with him, right then and there.  He cried and beg so that I won't leave him and  that he would change, but I did not listen to him.  The more he begged, the more I realized that he should let me go.  After that heartbreaking and nerve wracking moment, he then game me what I want.  Honestly, I was really happy when he did that, but a part of me was afraid.  Afraid of what would be my life without him.  But I was determined, I wanted to be more independent.  To face the world without clinging to him.  So I broke his heart.

Even though we break up, we agreed that we would remain friends with each other.  We still communicate with each other and update each one of us on what is happening in our separate lives.  He asked me, if I could accompany him to Sumilon Island in time for his birthday so that we could still celebrate it together.  I accepted his invitation, it's the least I could do to him and that's the only thing I know that could make him happy on his birthday.  I know no amount of material things could exchange that feeling.

Days before his birthday, I got very busy with work, that I did not have the luxury of time to scour the mall for a possible gift.  And I really did not have any gift idea in mind that he might really like.  So on the day we went to Sumilon, a day before his birthday, I still did not have a gift for him.  So I just told him that my presence and my company will be my gift for him.  We enjoyed the food and the place.  Little did I know, earlier, he asked the staff there to setup a candle-light dinner over looking to the beach for the two of us.(it was dark, so we can't really see the beach)  I was really surprised.  It was the first time that somebody did that to me.  I never really expected him to do that, since, it was his birthday.  So, it was his day.  It was supposed to be him who should be getting surprises on that day.  But no, instead of receiving, he was giving.  He showed me how special I am to him.  Without hesitations, he showed me how much he loves me.

I am really thankful that I have met him, that he came into my life.  For showing me that I am important.  That I am valued.  For showing me how to love unconditionally and without hesitations.  He will always have a special place in my heart.  He will always be bhe2x Jaybear.

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