LSS: Can't Fight This Feeling

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winters night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl
'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winters night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
Even if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

Peace Offering

Last week, me and Jaydee had a really rough week.  We did not fight but it was really the roughest week that we had in our four-year old relationship.  It is because I've done something that had really hurt him.  I did it not because to hurt him or to make avenge of all the times that he made me cry.  I just done it.  I can't stop my feelings you know.  Because of what I've done, he suddenly realize of how much pain he has caused me for the past months.  He suddenly felt what I have felt for those months that he did not seem to care of what I am feeling.  


Before we had our dreaded talk, he asked me first if I wanted to buy a stuffed toy.  I told him no because I know his view of me buying toys for myself.  So he dragged me to Metro Ayala Department store and made me choose on what teddy bear I want to buy.  While looking at those teddy bears, an idea came to me.  Instead of buying a teddy bear, I should just buy a doll house. (hehehehe...)  I was really so excited while choosing the doll house.  I was really like a small kid at that time with his father on his side. (hahaha...)  I guess we really needed that time before having our serious talk.  Because of that, everything was cleared and we are happy again.

One Wish Was Made Come True...

On my post "What I Want this Christmas" I mentioned ten things that I wanted to receive this Christmas.  One of the wish is that someone will give me a "Turtle/Tortoise Stuff Animal":.  I have so many stuff animals, some of those I bought personally and some are gifts from my friends and loved ones.  But I never really had a "Turtle/Tortoise Stuff Animal", well not until this month when I saw an array of turtle stuffed toy being displayed in 168 Mall in Colon.  Impulsively, I bought it.  Hahahaha...  But before that, I already posted on our bulletin on our office for my manito to buy it.  And guess what he really did give it to me.  Hehehehe.  And it is not just a mere small turtle stuffed toy, it is a humongous one.  Hehehehe...  I was one of the Mater's of Ceremony on our Christmas Party that night so when the manito/manita begun, I was infront of the stage telling the people whose table should be the first one to give their gifts and then Wally walk towards the stage carrying this huge box and Raymond was behind him carrying a camera to take a picture of me accepting the gift.  I did not open the gift immediately even though Corie was cheering for me to open it because I was still busy with my role as the emcee.  So when I went back to my table after the program was finished, again Corie,Jason and Raymond cheered for me to open the gift.  While I was unwrapping the gift, many people circled around us cheering.  Hahahaha...  I was really having a hard time unwrapping the gift because I was just using one hand, because I used the other one to hold my dress.  Hehehehe...  Thankfully my manito Wally was there to help me.  And so when he finally was able to open the gift, and the humongous turtle stuffed toy was revealed, I was really really happy that I immediately hug it.  It was so cute and cuddly.  Weeeeehhhh...   Words aren't really enough to describe how happy I was that evening.(yeah...mabaw kog kalipay...hahahaha...)  Thank you very much to Wally.  I now have another stuffed animal to hug every night.  Hehehehe.

Heartaches of a girl

I guess I was wrong.  But I hope and I pray that I'm not.  I will hold on till the end that I am not.  I still want to believe that everything that I believe is right.  I don't care what other people will say, as long as I know the truth.  As long that I know that I'm not doing bad, that can hurt anyone else.  I will still believe in you 'coz you are my friend.  I trust you that you won't hurt me 'coz I still consider you as my friend.  I hope everything will be back from the way it was before.

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I want to cry till the pain will go away.  I want to shout till my lungs will run dry, if this is the only way that I won't feel the pain in my heart again.

Can't We Just be Friends?

When I was in college I joined an organization in our school called Campus Ministry.  The people in that organization became my second family, my confidant in the school and the office were we usually hang-out became my second home.  I treated them just like a real brothers and sisters.  Little did I know that some of those people that I have considered as my "Kuya" are taking my actions differently.  It came to a point that one of my "Kuya" took a bold step to court me.  He sent me gifts and leeters anonymously.  Even my other ate's and kuya's who knew who sent me those stuffs won't even tell me.  So I did not able to stop what he was doing right from the very beginning.  But at the time that he already revealed himself I immediately told him that I only consider him as my Kuya and that nothing can ever change that.  I told him that I appreciate what he has done and am thankful for what he felt for me.  I thought that after our talk he will then stop.  But he did not.  He still sent me gifts and his treatment for me is still special.  So again, I confronted him about it.  And now, his not talking to me anymore. =(  


Unfortunately, another kuya of mine is trying to make a move with me.  Well, this wasn't the first time that he told me that he like me.  He already told me about his feelings for me before we graduated in college.  Thankfully, he did not court me that time because he knew what happened to the last time that a certain kuya has courted me.  He also doesn't want to ruin our friendship.  But recently after we had dinner together with the CCYM family, he then told me about his feelings.  Every now and then, he would tell me that he misses me and he loves me.  I don't want our friendship to be ruined.  I want to confront him but I'm afraid that if I do that, he would also hate me like what happened to my other kuya.  


Because of those incidents, a question popped into my mind.  Can't a man and a women just be friends?  Isn't it possible that both of them will never fall inlove with each other?  Isn't it possible that other people will not put some malice when they see 2 people in opposite sex so close?  Can't they really be just friends?