Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?x3
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Mishuu na...
Text conversation between me and my friend which we nicknamed shield...
That was the recent conversation that I had with one of my close friend Bryan. The last time I saw him was when he went here in our office to borrow my Windows Vista OS installer. But it was just a brief encounter. He took the installer from me, chat for about 10minutes then went back to our jobs. After that encounter, we did not see each other again, nor chatted in YM,FB nor texted each other. It was just recently that I remembered that I have a friend named Bryan whom I really missed a lot. Hahaha! Shame on me. Hehehe!
Me and Bryan were friends since I was still a 3rd year college student. We became friends because I was the president on our organization at that time and he was also one of the officers. We became really close back then because of the so many problems that I have encountered at that time(those were really simple problems...but i always chicken out in confronting people... :( ) and it was Bryan who helped me alot.(while I was crying inside the chapel/CR, he was at the faculty office confronting our adviser and explaining things...hahaha...stupid me...hahaha...) Bryan became my shield at that time, from the people around me and even from the heat of the sun.(he was so tall so we always hide from his back to hide from the heat of the sun...hehehe...) He always complain about that and those times that I cry and run out of my problems, but nevertheless, he is still there for me and for retchel. He is also one of the few people in our group of friends who can enter in Retchel and my world. Well, me and Retchel are sort of geeks and kinda so full of imaginations, we kinda have our own world. hahaha. And Bryan has the privileged to enter and understand it. hehehe.
This Monday(November 22, 2010), me, Retchel and Bryan agreed that we will meet in Abellana Sports Complex to jog and bond at the same time. (Most of the time it will be me and Retchel who will jog side by side while Bryan will leave us to practice. He is a runner.) I'm really so excited to see two of my closest friends. I really hope it won't rain. :)
Me : Bry...Hehehe! Good Evening... Wala lang samok2x lang ko...hehehe...
Bryan : Bleeh! Hahaha! Adik ai...
Me : Hehehe...Wala man gud koy lingaw gud maong nag samok2x ko nimo... Others nakay ka ha... hehehe... Mishuu Bry... Hahaha...
Bryan : Hala ngano gud others ko? When did that happen man daw? Gimingaw sad gani ko ninyo ug sa atong mga kaboang...hahaha...
Me : Hehehe! Wala lang others lang ka kay dili naman ka managad.
Bryan : Kay nagkita diay ta? Nakit.an ko nimo?
Me : Wala... Hahaha!!! Others lang ka... Hahaha...
Bryan : Hahaha Bleh Nyt diay daan mwuah...
Me : Nyt2x...Mwaaahugz...
That was the recent conversation that I had with one of my close friend Bryan. The last time I saw him was when he went here in our office to borrow my Windows Vista OS installer. But it was just a brief encounter. He took the installer from me, chat for about 10minutes then went back to our jobs. After that encounter, we did not see each other again, nor chatted in YM,FB nor texted each other. It was just recently that I remembered that I have a friend named Bryan whom I really missed a lot. Hahaha! Shame on me. Hehehe!
Me and Bryan were friends since I was still a 3rd year college student. We became friends because I was the president on our organization at that time and he was also one of the officers. We became really close back then because of the so many problems that I have encountered at that time(those were really simple problems...but i always chicken out in confronting people... :( ) and it was Bryan who helped me alot.(while I was crying inside the chapel/CR, he was at the faculty office confronting our adviser and explaining things...hahaha...stupid me...hahaha...) Bryan became my shield at that time, from the people around me and even from the heat of the sun.(he was so tall so we always hide from his back to hide from the heat of the sun...hehehe...) He always complain about that and those times that I cry and run out of my problems, but nevertheless, he is still there for me and for retchel. He is also one of the few people in our group of friends who can enter in Retchel and my world. Well, me and Retchel are sort of geeks and kinda so full of imaginations, we kinda have our own world. hahaha. And Bryan has the privileged to enter and understand it. hehehe.
This Monday(November 22, 2010), me, Retchel and Bryan agreed that we will meet in Abellana Sports Complex to jog and bond at the same time. (Most of the time it will be me and Retchel who will jog side by side while Bryan will leave us to practice. He is a runner.) I'm really so excited to see two of my closest friends. I really hope it won't rain. :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Afraid for love to fade By Lea Salonga
My head's in a jam
Can't take you off my mind
From the time we met
I've been beset by thoughts of you
And the more that I ignore this feeling
The more I find myself believing
That I just have to see you again
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true
Like a child again
I'm at a loss for words
How does one define
A crush combined with longing?
Longing to possess you oh so dearly
I'm obsessed by you completely
I'll go mad if I can't have you
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true
(Instrumental)
Oooooooooohhhhhhh
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
Let me say the things and say the words
To let you know
I would rather say the awkward words
Than lose you
Or for love to fade
Before it can come true
Can't take you off my mind
From the time we met
I've been beset by thoughts of you
And the more that I ignore this feeling
The more I find myself believing
That I just have to see you again
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true
Like a child again
I'm at a loss for words
How does one define
A crush combined with longing?
Longing to possess you oh so dearly
I'm obsessed by you completely
I'll go mad if I can't have you
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true
(Instrumental)
Oooooooooohhhhhhh
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
Let me say the things and say the words
To let you know
I would rather say the awkward words
Than lose you
Or for love to fade
Before it can come true
Rantings...
I've been trying to be part in a world where I don't belong. Hoping that someday people will accept me, will welcome me. I'm alone, lonely and lost. No one to talk to. No one to run to. Should I continue to be here Or should I give-up in trying? But I don't know where to go. If I give-up now, I know that wherever I go things will just be the same. So I'll just be the invisible girl for now.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Support? You want me to support you? I can't do that. I can't even manage my own life. I easily give-up when something bad comes in the way. I still have lots of things to worry about. And the last thing I want to do is to worry other people's life. You don't need me. I can't help you. You alone can help yourself.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Support? You want me to support you? I can't do that. I can't even manage my own life. I easily give-up when something bad comes in the way. I still have lots of things to worry about. And the last thing I want to do is to worry other people's life. You don't need me. I can't help you. You alone can help yourself.
Friday, November 12, 2010
What I Want this Christmas
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Hahahaha! Joke! As we all know Christmas is fast approaching. It's the time of the year where people from all shapes and sizes rush on the malls to buy stuffs to give to their friends and families. Well it's also the time of the year wherein we also list the things that we want to receive on Christmas day.
When I was still a little kid, during this time, my mother would tell us to write a letter for Jesus on what we would like to receive on Christmas day. After we finished writing the letter, we then put it on our altar. Then, starting that day we will pray the rosary in front of our altar so that our wish/prayers will come true. But sad to say, I really did not received all the toys that I have wished and wrote on that letter. Hehehe! Nevertheless, I learned how to pray the rosary and be grateful of every blessings that the Lord God has bestowed on me and to my family.
Despite the fact that every year I don't get my wishes. I still continue to write a letter to Jesus or write the things that I wanted to receive on Christmas. So just like before below are a few things that I want to receive on Christmas.
1.) Turtle/Tortoise Stuff Toy
2.) Maxie Girl/Bratz Doll
3.) Doll House
4.) Troll Doll
5.) New Shoes
6.) New Dress
7.) Polly Pocket
8.) Magic 8 Ball
9.) Baby Alive Doll
10.) Complete Drawing Set
When I was still a little kid, during this time, my mother would tell us to write a letter for Jesus on what we would like to receive on Christmas day. After we finished writing the letter, we then put it on our altar. Then, starting that day we will pray the rosary in front of our altar so that our wish/prayers will come true. But sad to say, I really did not received all the toys that I have wished and wrote on that letter. Hehehe! Nevertheless, I learned how to pray the rosary and be grateful of every blessings that the Lord God has bestowed on me and to my family.
Despite the fact that every year I don't get my wishes. I still continue to write a letter to Jesus or write the things that I wanted to receive on Christmas. So just like before below are a few things that I want to receive on Christmas.
1.) Turtle/Tortoise Stuff Toy
2.) Maxie Girl/Bratz Doll
3.) Doll House
4.) Troll Doll
5.) New Shoes
6.) New Dress
7.) Polly Pocket
8.) Magic 8 Ball
9.) Baby Alive Doll
10.) Complete Drawing Set
Thursday, November 11, 2010
10 Things I Hate About You
Don't get me wrong, I do love my sister. But there are just a few things that makes me hate her.
1.) I hate you when you tell ridiculous things about me infront of your friends/family to make me embarrased.
2.) I hate you when you criticized the boys that I like. You always find faults on them.
3.) I hate your being so greedy. You always want everything to be yours.
4.) I hate your being so selfish. You always think of yourself first. You don't think if someone else will be hurt or has been hurt because of what you have done.
5.) I hate you for being so bossy.
6.) I hate you for always comparing yourself to me.
7.) I hate you for always criticizing me. It seems that you really want to put me down.
8.) I hate your being so loud.
9.) I hate you for always asking me to make chip-in in what you will buy.
10.) I hate your being so materialistic.
1.) I hate you when you tell ridiculous things about me infront of your friends/family to make me embarrased.
2.) I hate you when you criticized the boys that I like. You always find faults on them.
3.) I hate your being so greedy. You always want everything to be yours.
4.) I hate your being so selfish. You always think of yourself first. You don't think if someone else will be hurt or has been hurt because of what you have done.
5.) I hate you for being so bossy.
6.) I hate you for always comparing yourself to me.
7.) I hate you for always criticizing me. It seems that you really want to put me down.
8.) I hate your being so loud.
9.) I hate you for always asking me to make chip-in in what you will buy.
10.) I hate your being so materialistic.
Monday, November 8, 2010
One Sunday Afternoon
Yesterday, November 08, 2010, Sunday, me and bhe2x Jaydee agreed to watch the movie of Kim Chui and Gerald Anderson's Till My Heartaches End. You might ask, why we chose to watch that movie yesterday of all the nice movies that was showed on the movie house. Well, the answer is because bhe2x wanted me to learn something from that movie. And that is also the reason why I'm writing this entry. He wanted me to write what I've learned from that movie and what I felt while watching the film. Hehehe!
I can't really deny the fact that there were really a bunch of episodes and lines from the movie wherein I can really relate. Just like the episode wherein Bangs Garcia her boyfriend were talking. Her boyfriend told her that everytime they have a fight, Bangs would immediately post it facebook. Letting the world know what she was feeling and what her boyfriend did. Hehehe. I'm guilty with this. I won't deny that. Hahaha! I can't help it sometimes. I need an outlet sometimes wherein I can release my anger and frustrations. I don't really have a lot of friends where I can run to and tell them all the things I want to say. And sometimes, if I tell it to Jaydee personally, he doesn't seem to understand what I feel or he doesn't want to hear it out. That's why I just post it in facebook where he has no choice but to read it. Hahaha! That's also my way of making him sorry for what he did. Hahaha. Mean me. Hahaha!
Another part of the movie wherein I was guilty of doing is when Gerald was becoming so busy with his work wherein to the point that he can't text or call Kim anymore. And Kim on the otherhand will bombard Gerald's phone with text messages asking him of his whereabouts or call him every 30 minutes. I know that ones a person gets very busy, they sometimes tend to forget little things like texting or calling those people who would really be getting worried. If I was in Gerald's place, I would really be annoyed if somebody will send me a gazillion text messages demanding for my whereabout or of what I am doing. But hey, wouldn't you also be annoyed if you were in Kim's shoes? You will wait for how many hours, will be so worried as to why on earth not a single text message was sent to you telling you that he is/will be very busy with work. Hello! Does texting "I'm busy right now." to a person will take you forever?
I'm not perfect and I know so is Jaydee. I know I tend to overreact on some situations sometimes. But this is me. I'm really a drama queen. I also know that even if Jaydee and I are commited with each other, it doesn't mean that it should only be the two of us. That we will stop seeing our friends and just spend our time with each other. I completely understand that. But you can't blame me if sometimes I tend to be so selfish of his time. If I only want that his spare time should only be spend with me. As I have said, I only got a few friends and I'm also not that close with my family. That's the reason why I always seek for Jaydee's attention. But I'm really trying hard not to build my entire life with him. I'm now trying to spend some time with my friends and meet new friends.
Honestly, while watching the movie, I was really angry and annoyed because every episode that Jaydee knows that I am guilty of doing, he then tease me and say "Awa! Awa! Mura jug bhe2x... Bhe2x jud kaau." It seems that we where watching the movie to point out all the bad things I have done. I know sometimes I'm being unreasonable and stubborn but is it really all my fault? Is that what this is all about?
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Joys of Having a Guy Friend
I only have a few very close friends to mention. They are in different genders, I have a few female friends, male friends and even gay friends. hehehe. But majority of my close friends are guys. I don't know but I can easily get along with my boyfriends rather than with my girlfriends. No, I'm not tibo. Infact, I'm a very kikay girl. hahahaha! Yes, I am. Believe it or not but I'm one of those girls who will go gaga with pink stuffs. hahaha. But i also love to play tekken, God of War, and DOTA, which most of the guys are playing.
As I was saying awhile ago, majority of my close friends consists of guys. I will enumerate a few of the good things in having a guy friend.
1.) If the sun is up, and you forgot your umbrella, they won't mind that you will use them as your shield against the heat of the sun. (hahaha...mean...)
2.) They'll buy you food when you tell them that you are very hungry. (nyum...nyum...nyum...hehehe...)
3.) Even if it will be so late, they woul still accompany you in going home to make sure that you are okay.
4.) They will listen to you when you cry out loud, whine or nag about your problems may it be lovelife or work related, anything. They will tell you "Okay rana...Smile na..." until you calm down. Then they will give you chocolates to really cheer you up. (what's with chocolate? why not pizza? hahahaha... nag demand ang loka... hahahaha...)
5.) You can poke, punch, or even bite them all you want and they will not keep a grudge on you. Even if they'll poke, punch or bite you back, they won't make it so painful. (hehehe...)
6.) You can talk to them about video games, horror movies, cars, and anime.
7.) You get free hugs even when you really don’t need it.
8.) You can talk to them till four in the morning without them worrying about their beauty sleep. (literally 4am in the morning. you were still talking with him at that time, you were still up when suddenly a member of your family will wake up to get ready for work or school while you, will still then go to sleep. hehehehe...)
9.) They offer to fetch you from your house. Sometimes, they will just show up on your house in the morning while you were still getting ready for school or work. (hahaha... they won't even mind waiting for you to finish your rituals...hahahah...)
10.) They don’t mind walking with you around the mall, colon or even carbon market.
11.) If they will tease you to the next level wherein you'll be sulking on it because you felt bad on what he did, then you'll be the drama queen because you will then not talk to him, they will surely do anything for you to talk to them again, for you to forgive them. (They will then give you a Mocha Frappe from Bo's or Starbucks if you will forgive them. hahahaha...)
12.) They give you cool mp3s, movies, PSP games. They woul even go to far by finding so many ways if a game that you really wanted will not play on your PSP.
13.) They will tell you honestly what they think of what you are wearing or what clothes you are going to buy. If the style is not so into you, they would surely tell you the truth.
14.) They make you laugh,smile especially if you are so down. They even find ways to make you laugh even in the strangest, weirdest ways
15.) They listen when you sing and won't leave you alone if you'll make funny moves in the middle of SM or Ayala. (hahahaha...)
16.) They watch your back. They will be your knight in a shining armour when you need one.
17.) They will give-in to your dares and treat you in IMAX when they lose.
18.) They will treat you to the different restos that you've never been to.
19.) They will bring foods for you, especially foods that you haven't tasted before.
20.) They won’t try to change you.
21.) They tell you you’re beautiful. (hahahaha... every girl needs to be told that they are beautiful.. so? hahahahaha...)
22.) They inspire you.
23.) They look after you when you are sick.
24.) They'll gladly finish your food for you.
25.) You can be so cheesy or charing all you want.
26.) You'll be confortable in acting or saying the things you want to do or say infront of them without being afraid of losing them, because they accept you for who you are. :)
Well, that's all I can think of for now. All I can say is despite the fact that sometimes they make me wanna cry out of annoyance, or they make me want to blow up like a volcano, I love my guy friends. Don't want to loose them. I will endure anything just to stay friends with them. (yeah...yeah...ka charingan again...hahahahha...) But seriously, I will always be on their back to support them. :)
As I was saying awhile ago, majority of my close friends consists of guys. I will enumerate a few of the good things in having a guy friend.
1.) If the sun is up, and you forgot your umbrella, they won't mind that you will use them as your shield against the heat of the sun. (hahaha...mean...)
2.) They'll buy you food when you tell them that you are very hungry. (nyum...nyum...nyum...hehehe...)
3.) Even if it will be so late, they woul still accompany you in going home to make sure that you are okay.
4.) They will listen to you when you cry out loud, whine or nag about your problems may it be lovelife or work related, anything. They will tell you "Okay rana...Smile na..." until you calm down. Then they will give you chocolates to really cheer you up. (what's with chocolate? why not pizza? hahahaha... nag demand ang loka... hahahaha...)
5.) You can poke, punch, or even bite them all you want and they will not keep a grudge on you. Even if they'll poke, punch or bite you back, they won't make it so painful. (hehehe...)
6.) You can talk to them about video games, horror movies, cars, and anime.
7.) You get free hugs even when you really don’t need it.
8.) You can talk to them till four in the morning without them worrying about their beauty sleep. (literally 4am in the morning. you were still talking with him at that time, you were still up when suddenly a member of your family will wake up to get ready for work or school while you, will still then go to sleep. hehehehe...)
9.) They offer to fetch you from your house. Sometimes, they will just show up on your house in the morning while you were still getting ready for school or work. (hahaha... they won't even mind waiting for you to finish your rituals...hahahah...)
10.) They don’t mind walking with you around the mall, colon or even carbon market.
11.) If they will tease you to the next level wherein you'll be sulking on it because you felt bad on what he did, then you'll be the drama queen because you will then not talk to him, they will surely do anything for you to talk to them again, for you to forgive them. (They will then give you a Mocha Frappe from Bo's or Starbucks if you will forgive them. hahahaha...)
12.) They give you cool mp3s, movies, PSP games. They woul even go to far by finding so many ways if a game that you really wanted will not play on your PSP.
13.) They will tell you honestly what they think of what you are wearing or what clothes you are going to buy. If the style is not so into you, they would surely tell you the truth.
14.) They make you laugh,smile especially if you are so down. They even find ways to make you laugh even in the strangest, weirdest ways
15.) They listen when you sing and won't leave you alone if you'll make funny moves in the middle of SM or Ayala. (hahahaha...)
16.) They watch your back. They will be your knight in a shining armour when you need one.
17.) They will give-in to your dares and treat you in IMAX when they lose.
18.) They will treat you to the different restos that you've never been to.
19.) They will bring foods for you, especially foods that you haven't tasted before.
20.) They won’t try to change you.
21.) They tell you you’re beautiful. (hahahaha... every girl needs to be told that they are beautiful.. so? hahahahaha...)
22.) They inspire you.
23.) They look after you when you are sick.
24.) They'll gladly finish your food for you.
25.) You can be so cheesy or charing all you want.
26.) You'll be confortable in acting or saying the things you want to do or say infront of them without being afraid of losing them, because they accept you for who you are. :)
Well, that's all I can think of for now. All I can say is despite the fact that sometimes they make me wanna cry out of annoyance, or they make me want to blow up like a volcano, I love my guy friends. Don't want to loose them. I will endure anything just to stay friends with them. (yeah...yeah...ka charingan again...hahahahha...) But seriously, I will always be on their back to support them. :)
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