Missing My High School Days

I was reading Bedroom blog by Veronica in cosmo.ph, and she narrated her high school days on her blog.  I then beginning to reminisce those days when I was still in high school.  But sad to say, yes there were also happy moments but most of them were sad and painful.

I can still remember I was one of the few students who were being bullied by those girls who have their own clique and were popular.  They would give me a mean look everytime I don't succumb to their every wish to make them copy my assignments or during exams.  I was also one of those girls who only have little friends because I was not cool enough to be in a group.  Yes I admit it, I was a nerd back then up until now.  I won't deny it.  Because that's who I am.

I had also had a few friends back in high school.  But unlike the others, whom they still communicate until now.  The connection with those so called friends that I had just cut-off right after graduation day.  I don't know if I was at fault or the universe just doesn't want me to have a normal teenage life.

I was always inside the library or inside the classroom reading a book during lunch time while the others were making chikka and playing outside.  After class, I always go straight home just like my parents asked me to do.  I wonder, if I spent those lunch times and after class hours making friends with my classmates and schoolmates, would I have earned more friends and have gotten a true friend?

I think not.  People usually are having a hard time entering my world.  And sometimes I am also having a hard time to relate to other people.  So far, I can only count those people that I considered my true friend, just like how easy I can count the fingers on my hands. 

I Remember the Boy but I Don't Remember the Feeling

So while the song still brings that certain glow
And the words still sing of love I know
It isn’t quite the way it was before
I remember the boy
But I don’t remember the feeling anymore

 I was listening to the music playing from my cellphone when the song "I Remember the Boy" by Lea Salonga was played.  I then ask myself, "who would I remember when I hear that song being played?"  And the answer is Mikki.

Mikki was one of my classmate when I was still in my very yagit years(elementary years).  Hehehe!  We've been classmates since kindergarten until grade 3.  He was one of those many boys who you take for granted and you ignore because of there being so "kiatan".  But little did you know, he is doing those stuffs purposely so that he could get your attention.

Imagine that, an elementary boy, having a crush on you? Hahahaha!  While you still have no idea about love, here comes a little boy, who then gives you gifts and love letters to tell you what he really feels.  Nyahahaha!

I can still remember those times, where my classmates would tease me because Mikki will ask one of my boy classmates to hand me a love letter that he has written(which he just copied from a poem or a song lyrics...hehehehe...)  Of course, the little me back then, would get kilig.  Nyahahaha!  Mikki continued to send me love letters and stuffs till we got into high school(even if we didn't go to the same school anymore).  He would still ask one of my classmate, but this time a girl, to give me the gifts he wants to give to me.

You would think that I'm so mean, that I didn't say yes to him and I just made paasa.  Of course not.  We eventually became a couple.  But because we are still so immature and childish at that time, eventually, we broke up.  But we are still friends.  If we do see each other.  Hahaha!  I don't know where he is now.  The last time I heard about him, he already have a daughter but the mother of his child left him.  And my grade 1 teacher(his grandma) already died.

I wonder, where he is now.

Ligid Ligid...

I really hate myself.  You know why?  I just wasted two days of my life doing nothing(just fb-ing,watching tv, eating and sleeping) all day long.  I really hate it.  Instead of doing stuffs that are productive, I just goofed around the house.  Haist.  I hope that next weekend, I won't do the same mistake again.

It's So Not Fair...

For the past days I've been so angry with bhe2x jaydee.  I seldom text him and when he calls, I always made it a point to make him feel that I am mad at him.  Sometimes, I don't answer his calls at all.

But just today, when he came in our house to visit me, even though I want to resist it, to smile at him, to hug him and kiss him.  I can't really make it.  I can't resist forgiving him, for what he has done, for the past few days.  It's so unfair.

True Calling

I've been experiencing both ups and downs of my life this past few months.  I have experienced not doing much in work and still I've been payed for that.  Then the worst of that, I've been promoted.  And yet, I can't really feel that I've grown as a programmer.  I never really learned a lot with the almost three years that I've worked.

After I have been promoted, I've been given so much work which made me grateful, for now I can feel that I am needed.  But it is also the reason why I always get so frustrated and disappointed.  It is also the reason why I am starting to ask myself whether I should be a programmer or should I wake up and just face the reality that my calling is not here.

I'm confused and afraid.  I want to find that something that could really make me say "this is my dream, this is what I want to do till I grow old".  And yet, I also don't want to step out of my comfort zone.  I want to continue doing what I am doing right now so that I won't put my life in chaos and also to do another stuff that could also make me really happy.

Wish I could smile again just like a child does.  Wish I could be just like a child again, so innocent and pure.  Wish I could be like a child again, who has nothing to worry about.

Let's Get Physical

For the past months, I've been very active in running(fun run,jogging), badminton,basketball,badminton and pop jazz.  Even if I was very busy at work and with those stuffs, I never really got sick.  But after the fire run that we have participated, me, Retchel and Bryan never found a time again to meet for a jogging or what.  I am now just working full-time.  Because of this, my immune system got weak.  I got colds and cough.  boohoo! 

Bry, Chel...Jogging nata ug sayaw2x ug mag badminton...  Hehehehe!

Think...Think...Think...

I told bhe2x jaydee earlier that I want to go on a picnic with him.  That I will cook for him for the said picnic.  He already said yes.  The problem now is that, I don't know what would I cook.

Earlier, I was thinking of making sandwiches, cook fried chicken and spaghetti.  But now, I'm not sure anymore. :(  The only thing I know is that I want to spend more time with him now before he will go to Bohol to work.