True Calling

I've been experiencing both ups and downs of my life this past few months.  I have experienced not doing much in work and still I've been payed for that.  Then the worst of that, I've been promoted.  And yet, I can't really feel that I've grown as a programmer.  I never really learned a lot with the almost three years that I've worked.

After I have been promoted, I've been given so much work which made me grateful, for now I can feel that I am needed.  But it is also the reason why I always get so frustrated and disappointed.  It is also the reason why I am starting to ask myself whether I should be a programmer or should I wake up and just face the reality that my calling is not here.

I'm confused and afraid.  I want to find that something that could really make me say "this is my dream, this is what I want to do till I grow old".  And yet, I also don't want to step out of my comfort zone.  I want to continue doing what I am doing right now so that I won't put my life in chaos and also to do another stuff that could also make me really happy.

Wish I could smile again just like a child does.  Wish I could be just like a child again, so innocent and pure.  Wish I could be like a child again, who has nothing to worry about.